The Checklist

Lyric's diagnosis was made from the front seat of my Jeep Cherokee. I found the printed checklist of behaviors and symptoms of children with high functioning autism folded neatly with a post-it note attached "I think you should read these...."

It was mid-summer, 2005. My divorce with Lyric's dad had been finalized 6 months earlier and I was now dating a father of two little girls who recognized there was something not quite _right_ about Lyric and all her little idiosyncrasies. He saw her playing by herself amidst parties of 3 and 4-year-olds. He saw her walking in circles around the firepit at his house. Her saw her irrational fear of everyday items. He saw her oblivious to the world around her - all while her mom was quite frankly a little oblivious there was even an issue.

But here it was. He'd done the research and being a father himself, knew I would need to soak it all in and figure it out myself. The checklist helped. And in one vividly clear moment it all made sense. My daughter had autism.

What would happen over the next several months would include a frustrating search for answers in a world that spoke a foreign language. Asperger's Syndrome. Pervasive Development Disorder. Occupational Therapy. Speech and Language Pathology. We sat through tests with blocks. We sat through neurology exams. We visited an education center in Iowa. A hospital in Illinois. The Children's Hospital in Iowa City. I researched preschool options. I attended a parent support group. But through it all, I felt alone.

Lyric's dad decided he did not want his daughter labeled and announced that he would neither accept the diagnosis nor even say the word A-U-T-I-S-M. But I did just the opposite. I felt like if I let people know about her diagnosis they would better understand her - better support her - and now that I think about it - better support me as well. I was starved for people to ask me about her. Starved for people to recognize just how devastating this was and yet...anyone who met Lyric was starstruck. What was there possibly to be devastated by?